Think am on a roll, there were days and weeks I didn’t write a bit and now am all fired up… only this time with a lot more personal stuff…. did I say I’m quite a private person?
Yeah you guessed it… this could be asked in many different ways and in different situations but what seems to the usual societal conditioning is the fact that if you show you are too eager (sometimes just eager) in an ensuing date/relationship it may be detremental! The idea somehow doesn’t hold water for me, then again what would I know about relationships when I haven’t had much luck myself 
.
Human behaviour patterns suggests that showing keenness or being too open about ones own feelings makes them rather vulnerable and therefore knowingly or otherwise your partner maybe tempted to step in your space by sheer choice or accident seeing the available opportunity! BUT this thought itself brings me to the next question which is kind of out of bounds… what partner (if they really care for each other) would take, or seek to take ,an upperhand in a relationship just because one is much more expressive and eager than the other? Doesn’t that sound bizarre? Doesn’t that jar your thought on dating or loving someone? If we don’t believe in miracles they never would happen to us and if we don’t trust people we would never get to know them better. And if we never dared to take that extra step to be vulnerable we’d never known what it was to be loved….? I might have written off all skeptics here! Amen!
I am no counsellor but it stands to reason in my mind that should such a situation exist in a ‘loving/caring’ relationship it really wasn’t out of love and respect in the very first place? Well then what is love? How much of youself do you reveal to your loving other when you date? There is no book of rules, there is no yardstick to measure it with but all I am trying to get my head around is… where do u draw that magic line? Should you really draw one??
Whats with this general belief that ‘playing tag’ (playing hard to get) is good. It keeps them interested? Suspense makes them feel they have to find out more and even if the search and the chase was not worth it… it seems fine just becase there was a chase involved! Something wrong with that picture? Why do people fall for this? And why is being vulnerable bad?
Do people just fall in love mostly cause there is a chase, cause there is that sudden adrenaline rush to know more! Play that game and u’ll be successful. Like I have said before I am not experienced in this art at all LOL nor have I ever played the tag so does that make me boring? Does that make love uninteresting? Maybe I should have been born a few decades earlier! Well hang on, they did that then too. Didn’t they? Read your history textbooks! So back to my golden question… how much eagerness is good to show? How would you suss where to stop, should you at all? Isn’t love all about the flow! Prove me wrong!
Oh my lord. Have you changed your birth sign?? LOL A lot have given me advise and most say to run so you can be chased. Unfortunatly, I don’t know that game very well and it is my blelieve just to be myself. The right one will see you for who you are and love you no matter what. If that sounds too naive or simple then I guess I am. Miracle do happen. Wait and watch.
Exactly my point Nan, I just don’t see the point nor have the skill to play it really
and even if I did I rather not. What a laceration of the spirit that would be. Couldnt agree more…. Miracles do happen… : “Lightning can strike anytime” 
Yes you did but we knew it would come didn’t we?
Not in the least
Good Morning Amit,
I was just thinking of you yesterday and wondered how one man can translate the beauty that he sees into his work. I attended an art show last night with murals and sculptures and was in awe of this husband and wife team and found myself wondering if I will ever find a mate that would compliment me as well as this team. My former husband has told me that I complete him I want someone that compliments me anotherwards that we are a good fit’…
The questions that you ask make a great deal of sense to me. I used to tell Brides-to-be that the hardest job you will ever have is being a mate to one person for the rest of your life.
I wish joy love and peace… Because without peace it is hard to know joy and love.
Love from River Bend, North Carolina USA
Carol
Very true words indeed.
Thank you Carol. Thats kind of you. Yes it is not an easy task. Beautifully put.
if one is occupied with calculating or quantifying it seems to me that one is focused on the Magic Show and not the Magician
that is what the Magician wants
with any luck, the show will have a long run and you will come to share the stage, share the magic
be in touch with your feelings and consider before sharing . . .
is the image True.
There is only one thing in the world that matters all that much. That is LOVE. It may be love for someone special or for a friend or even a pet. All I know is without it, what else matters. Just love. If there are those who don’t understand, love them more for they are lost souls.
Hey, yeah…ive just recently been let down tonight. I mean for the last two years or so i havent been in love and i meet someone and i feel this electricity and he says I love you and I say it too. I then wrote a letter expressing all my fears, my eagerness, my love for him and he writes me that he is a little creeped out! So, people do not want brutal honesty. I think it is the CHASE that is truly the spice of an affair. This is really corrupted in a sense.
Chiara most seem to go through life with that ‘chase’ — am sorry to hear about your heart-break. Wish I had a more comforting answer to offer but deep down in my heart I believe that chase is never the answer. Its quite the reverse! Then again, time will stand sentinel to my own life to say where I’d head with my belief — but I’d like to think that I have my feet back on solid ground
Hope you feel better soon.
Amit, I guess people like the “Chase” as it adds excitment to their lives. They don’t have the Strength of Character to follow the relationship through to the next level.
I don’t see anything wrong in being eager to express your feelings to your partner especially if you feel you know them well enough to handle those feelings. I guess it’s how strong your partner is.
I can understand why people would be spooked by their partner’s honesty. We handle our own reality everyday (good or bad) and see being with our partner as a little “oasis” in the craziness. Suddenly having to deal with our partner’s reality too, can become overwhelming.
Am, I know you will find someone who will stand firm with you.
Cheers Monica
Thank you Monica. Very kind words indeed however, need to clear the air about this topic — this is what I see around me or among my friends and aquaintances… a part of this probably reflects in my own life as i am very spontaneous about my feelings and expression. Unfortunately, yes the chase grips most people men and women alike. Somewhere in there there is that ape (wo)man still wanting to chase, hunt, kill, gather, horde, destroy and then mourn of it all … chase I say again DOESN’T work.
Never has, never will 
maybe, j-u-s-t maybe, its good for a start then again this is my own opinion 
I could be totally wrong.
Hmmm
Interesting. Dont ask me about playing the game, i NEVER did
You can never answer some of the questions you have raised Amit. Human beings and their behaviour can be very confusing indeed. You might think you know that person, but out of the blue he/she does something totally out of his/hers character that you are used to.
Eagerness, i agree there should be eagerness, but the eagerness in 1 person can be very off-putting (if there is such word in the English language). Maybe eagerness should be shown with much control. Depending on who that person is, or what purpose, eagerness should be shown according. How?? Well lots of things will tell you that that person appreaciate eagerness - body language, tone of course, actions. Learn those and that will help. I know it helped me.
Showing any sort of emotions, especially when you first meet, can say alot about that person, you should be keen enough, and eager enough for that person to want to see you again, over-doing it will push him/her away, there is no definite line, it all depends on the people involved.
That comes to the next question - upperhand…. what is that??! That SHOULD NOT EXIST in a relationship. It should be equal-hand. Yes, in certain circumstance, 1 can be dominant and have the upperhand, but when the circumstance change, the other might take the upper hand. Its all about give and take AND COMPROMISE!! and HEAPS of it. Both parties should and must have a lot of these “characteristics” to make a relationship to work. For example, me and David. There are certain areas in the relationship and the running of the household where I have the upper hand, and there are certain things he has - this all depends on life experience, knowledge and compromise, oh and PATIENCES!! alot of it too!!
Hmm, falling in love, hard to explain why you do it. Some say its faith, that it was/had already been written by a higher being who you will fall in love with. No one can answer that. But all i know is, when you fall in love, you WILL KNOW IT! When you meet someone, the feeling of love comes naturally, even those who has never been in love.
As Nancy say, love is important, but thats not just all it takes. Love is a very good start, its like a foundation when you are building a house. It holds the weight of it all, What goes on-top, is all up to both parties. TO make a relationship work - love, lust, care, kindness, sharing, compromise, patience etc etc, all work together in helping a relationship last!!
Another thing I have learnt through out the year - you are not always in love with someone - love is the foundation yes, but there are times you hate the person you love, as Celine Dion says “I hate you then I love you”.
Gee i have blabbered on.. i’ll stop now lol
Dear Amit,
I come to this discussion late but can say from my own experience that when you meet ‘the one’ it does all just fall into place quite easily and you don’t have to worry too much about playing the game the right way.
When John and I met, we had a 5 minute conversation about surf life saving and I walked away and straight home where I began ringing my girlfriends and telling them that I had met this guy, and they could laugh now, but I was going to marry him and that was that, the search was over! And ta da - we are indeed now married and 3 weeks away from having our first baby.
With every other guy I dated I stressed and worried over appearing too keen or too distant, but with John it didn’t seem to matter what I said (I seem to remember at one point early on he told me he didn’t want to be in a relationship and my considered answer was “bull#@$t, yes you do!”).
Like Harry said, the hard work isn’t getting together, it’s learning how to deal with conflict, how to cope in a major crisis, and how to support each other when things aren’t going so well.
waddlingly, yrs
Sara
I aggree with Larry the hard work is not getting together it is learning how to deal with conflict ect, I have been with my husband for over twenty years. We have had our ups and downs but we are still together. We have learned to deal with the many things that come our way wheather bad or good. We share it together and have weathered the storms gracefully!